jav's world.

2011-03-05T14:34:00.001-08:00

"Real misanthropes are not found in solitude, but in the world; since it is experience of life, and not philosophy, which produces real hatred of mankind."

2011-03-04T08:36:00.000-08:00

"... In the spectacle of Death, in the endurance of intolerable pain, and in the
irrevocableness of a vanished past, there is a sacredness, an over-powering
awe, a feeling of the vastness, the depth, the inexhaustible mystery of
existence, in which, as by some strange marriage of pain, the sufferer is bound
to the world by bonds of sorrow. In these moments of insight, we lose all
eagerness of temporary desire, all struggling and striving for petty ends, all
care for the little trivial things that, to a superficial view, make up the
common life of day by day; we see, surrounding the narrow raft illumined by
the flickering light of human comradeship, the dark ocean on whose rolling
waves we toss for a brief hour; from the great night without, a chill blast
breaks in upon our refuge; all the loneliness of humanity amid hostile forces is
concentrated upon the individual soul, which must struggle alone, with what
of courage it can command, against the whole weight of a universe that cares
nothing for its hopes and fears. Victory, in this struggle with the powers of
darkness, is the true baptism into the glorious company of heroes, the true
initiation into the overmastering beauty of human existence. From that awful
encounter of the soul with the outer world, enunciation, wisdom and charity
are born; and with their birth a new life begins."

business is business.

2011-01-26T09:25:00.000-08:00

i thought id write a little bit about what really happened to my salon, since some people think they can talk shit, and spread lies.

i stole this salon. straight up. this fuck who owns another salon on Lab property was running it, or rather running it into the ground. he was gracious enough to let me work here from time to time, and i tried to convince him to let me take it over. he would still be the top dog, but i would change the way it was run, from a rental salon full of mean old ladies, so the "hip", fun salon it became. he strung me along for a few months until i went behind his back, to the property manager, and convinced her to let me take it. they agreed.
the landlord wanted to put in a clause that said that they could pull the lease for any reason after 90 days. i said the only way i would agree to that is if i had the same clause, in cause i wanted to bounce. he said i could have it too, but i would have to pay like a $24,000 dollar deposit. i didnt have that. i expressed my concern about having the clause in there, and the property manager said "as long as youre doing what you need to be doing, it wont happen"
i didnt have that kind of money, so i signed.
the question people always had when they heard i opened a salon was "how the fuck did Jav do that?", like utter disbelief that an asshole like me could get keys to a building. well, the way i did it was that the salon was already here. i paid first, last deposit. thats about it. i didnt have to do much building/renovating. the stations were here. i basically just took over a building. so the startup was minimal. i never OWNED the building, the Lab did.
im not going to pretend that business was booming. it was really hard to start. we opened with a bare crew. i think people came in thinking it was going to be a booming business, and a few werent ready or willing to put in the work it takes to make a new business flourish. paying rent on a 2100 square foot building in the "nice" or "hip" part of costa mesa was not an easy feat. but i did it. yeah, i was late on rent once. i know of OTHER salons owned by the Lab that are/were/have been upwards of $30,000 behind on rent. but, i wont talk anymore shit about THAT crew right now.
in december, my reserves of money ran out. the salon was struggling at this point. ill be real. we were running on a staff of about 6 or 7 full time, and had a couple part time here and there. the salon had 12 stations. so we never got a full team.
on december 13th, Lenixx was born.
on december 14th, i got a text from the property manager asking if i had rent for december. at this point, i had paid rent up to then. i was not months and months behind on rent like some people have said. i told her that i did not have rent at that point. she informed me that the landlord had decided, or was considering giving the building to someone else. one of the happiest times in my life was just marred by some incredibly heartbreaking news. but at this point, no other paperwork had been signed by anyone else.
a week or so later, the property manager told me that the people who were going to take over the building wanted to come in and take some measurements. i said that wasnt a good idea, as i wasnt in the salon that day and i hadnt told my staff what was going on because it wasnt a sure thing yet.
about an hour later, i got a text saying that some guys were there to take measurements. 4 or 5 guys busted in and told my staff that "jav and (property manager) said it was cool if we came in". why the fuck would i say it was cool?
turns out it was the same jackass who was friends with one of the stylists at my salon, who had come in a few weeks before, asking to look around, and pulled out a video camera.
anyway, this is how the staff found out that something was up. by the guy who was ATTEMPTING to take the salon over showing up. i guess he announced that he had signed a lease and he could do whatever he wanted, which was absolutely not true. i was planning on telling the staff AFTER the new tenant had signed a lease. pulling everyone together and breaking it down. instead, he came in and announced it to everyone himself basically.
the person who is taking the salon over work(s) at a salon on the other side of costa mesa, and i know a couple people that work there. me being me, i told them about it, and when confronted he denied everything. he didnt want anyone at his current salon knowing his plans. it got back to me that he said that the reason he got the salon was because i hadnt paid rent for over three months. im sure he was told that by the leasing agent of the Lab, who was probably upset because he didnt get the commission on leasing the building to me because i had gone straight to the property manager.

in the wake of losing the salon, i kind of shut down emotionally towards it. i didnt jump up and try to get money together for a new salon. i felt defeated. i DID talk to a couple people about putting capital towards a new spot, but between the fact that i had just lost one, and the fact that nobody else really has money right now, it just didnt work. so i didnt push it. just dealing with the fact that THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of dollars were just GONE, never to be gotten back... i didnt know what to do.
i suppose i cant be MAD about losing the salon. it was literally taken from me EXACTLY how i took it from someone else. business is business. i keep telling myself that over and over. i cant take it personally.

so where do i go from here? i move forward. i find somewhere else to work. i try to make money. i cut hair. its what i do.
the hardest part, for me, is accepting the fact that i will NEVER find a place like that again. a building with an office, and a studio, and everything else. a place i could ride my bike inside, ride my bike around the neighborhood and see my friends who also have businesses on the block. a place i could record music at 8am. a place i could come in any time i wanted and do anything i wanted. anywhere else i go from here, will be someone else's, with their rules. i thought for sure i would never have to do that again. but here i am.

2010-12-22T09:57:00.000-08:00

in the midst of one of the happiest moments in a man's life, i was reminded about the balance.
people are born, people die
people are healed, people become sick

let down

2010-11-29T09:00:00.000-08:00

i guess i was around 12 when i started reading Thrasher Magazine. it was my first real exposure to punk rock, other than watching the cable access channel when the "alternative" video show came on.
i remember very distinctly seeing the Big Black "songs about fucking" album cover, with it's unisex anime person straining mid-coitus, stark colors and generally eye-catching design.
i never once listened to them, not even a second to see what they sound like, until today.
i was actually led to it today by Matt Skiba singing "my head is pounding like a pillow, like a Big Black song"
it made me think, am i missing something? so i did a quick youtube search and actually found a song from the album thats a Kraftwerk cover. how can i go wrong, right?

it kind of reminds me of Joy Division a bit, but i know that at 12 i would not have been ready for this, and at 33 i cant say that i enjoy it very much. maybe some of the other songs are better, i dont know and im probably not going to find out.

into the sunset

2010-11-23T15:59:00.000-08:00

on saturday morning i sold my car
i googled "cash 4 cars", called the first one, checked its credentials, and talked to a sales guy via an instant messenger type deal on the site. a week later, they called me, and i was waiting on the title to be mailed from my mom. two days later i called the dude, and within two hours he was at my car.
he cruised around a lot, took pics, started it up, and offered me four 100 dollar bills.
i accepted.

it was hard to accept that i basically just sold my car for roughly 11,600 less than i paid for it, over the course of eight years.
what was harder was taking all the stickers off, cleaning all the shit out of the glovebox, etc.

im now the proud owner of a 2002 Hyundai Accent, license plate XERICAX

apache

2010-11-16T09:58:00.000-08:00

2010-11-08T14:38:00.001-08:00

i was watching No Reservations yesterday morning. i really like that show.
he was in LA, and one of the first things he talked about was that people in southern california spend a lot of their time in their car. your car becomes an extension of you. it takes on a personality. it becomes a friend.a companion.

my car is no longer working. ive had it since 2000. ten summers. it has 209,000 miles on it. at one time, each of those miles meant something. we went places. good places, bad places, necessary places, fun places, stupid places.

i miss its smell. its inconveniences. its familiarity. its safety. its danger. its unreliability.

its kind of a perfect metaphor for a relationship- for better or for worse. you accept and treasure someone, even if some of the things they do arent "perfect".

i miss my car.

"even if i did believe"

2010-10-13T19:11:00.000-07:00

If I had undeniable proof of the existence of Yahweh, aka Jehovah, aka Adonai, aka El Shaddai, aka Yahweh Elohim, the father of Jesus and the ancient leader of the Semitic peoples, I still would not worship the bastard. If an angel appeared to me and removed my appendectomy scar so I could never deny the reality of divine power, I still would not be a Christian. My primary reason for not being a Christian has nothing to do with my lack of belief in their god. My primary reason is that the Bible is a disgusting book describing the behavior of a god without the morality of the average high school student.

That God does what he wants, when he wants, without even an attempt at self-justification, and all for what reason? According to Paul, all for his own greater glory. For his own glory he condemns billions to eternal torment, drowns millions of innocent beasts and thousands of children, orders the slaughter of entire cities down to the last man, woman, and child, creates a race that he knows is flawed and will hurt itself, refuses to deal with any other god on a friendly basis, rains doom on those who dare to try to be as knowledgable as he is, and so on.
~Tim Maroney

dead shell

2010-09-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

the pain of life is great
and some will find it sweet
to the rot beneath the earth
while we rot
and live
and breathe
in this sick fucking world never did i forget
existence is fucking pain
and there is beauty in death

2010-09-19T03:02:00.001-07:00

it was painfully obvious to everyone, except her, that he was a homosexual.
as she danced like a Peanuts character, swaying like a flower child... drawing closer to him, going in for a kiss- only to have him pull away or make a face like he was smelling brussell sprouts for the first time, i felt sad for her.
then, i got really annoyed because she wouldnt stop dancing.
he knew every word. made up dances to go with the songs.
he told her he wanted some water, and she nodded longingly. wishing he would drink her.
the night most assuredly ended in disappointment. for him, for her.

2010-09-07T15:10:00.000-07:00

2010-09-03T09:53:00.000-07:00

2010-09-02T12:00:00.001-07:00

6. Tyrannical toward himself, he must be tyrannical toward others. All the gentle and enervating sentiments of kinship, love, friendship, gratitude, and even honor, must be suppressed in him and give place to the cold and single-minded passion for revolution. For him, there exists only one pleasure, on consolation, one reward, one satisfaction – the success of the revolution. Night and day he must have but one thought, one aim – merciless destruction. Striving cold-bloodedly and indefatigably toward this end, he must be prepared to destroy himself and to destroy with his own hands everything that stands in the path of the revolution.

2010-08-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

im a big fan of showing people that you dont need fancy, expensive equipment to make something beautiful. all of these photos were taken with my iphone. granted, i paid .99 cents for an application to make them look "cool", but im very passionate about showing that its more about the SUBJECT, the circumstances, and the eye than about the technique and technicality of a shot.
some people may look at my "work" and dismiss it, but these are interesting to me, and thats one of the most important aspects of art in my opinion, for it to be captivating and interesting.

taking down the ferris wheel, oc fair, 645am

bathroom wall in the kitchen of the salon. had a bunch of shitty records, and an empty wall.

random chair

inside the cooler at Commissary Lounge

ice machine

centennial farm, costa mesa

southern california

sad.

2010-08-23T18:31:00.000-07:00

"However, while all these albums were regarded as solid efforts, Hayes was no longer selling large numbers. He and his wife were forced into bankruptcy in 1976, as they owed over $6 million. By the end of the bankruptcy proceedings in 1977, Hayes had lost his home, much of his personal property, and the rights to all future royalties earned from the music he'd written, performed, and produced."

helicopter

2010-08-23T15:06:00.001-07:00

bloc party is one of my favorite bands. i love his voice, i think the music is interesting.
ive only seen them once. it was the first show of their first us tour, at the glasshouse. crazy.
the drummer is funny to watch. he looks like he should be making science experiments or something.

this video is from their first television appearance apparently, on jools holland.

what do you think, chip?

2010-08-21T14:54:00.001-07:00

2010-08-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

its getting harder and harder to find inspiration

little things draw my amaze me-
the way a tree looks against the sky.
the way a sign post looks buried in the rocks.
the way a child's natural hair color looks richer than any tube can produce.
the way a group of guys can stand on stage and blow me away without touching a string or drum.
the way a girl and a guy in a studio are more powerful than any orchestra.
the way sounds can be produced and recorded without stepping into an actual recording studio.
the way i can find a way to make it through each day without smashing everything i see.

2010-08-06T20:26:00.000-07:00

one of my favorite punk songs. the whole record is really good.

cheesegrater has a bunch of good Stitches stories. i think i only saw them once, with Guttermouth at this place called the Butt Cave in 1993.

i was thinking the other day about when we used to walk down 17th street with Dead America. how i burned an American flag and safety pinned it to my camo shorts. and how a few months later i was drawing a fist with an X on it on my hoodie with fabric markers. how we dug a giant 6 and 7 in the McCluers backyard. riding in the old bug to the Ice House.

ive had a pretty fun life.

2010-08-04T08:34:00.001-07:00

2010-07-31T18:10:00.000-07:00

vii mmx

2010-07-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

sons ov nort-ern darknesssss

2010-07-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

awake

2010-07-09T19:10:00.001-07:00

the cure

2010-07-08T08:21:00.001-07:00

drum roll

2010-06-25T09:23:00.001-07:00

found this on Bastard Squad (he's usually ahead of the game) and its a pretty interesting song and video.

2010-06-05T15:51:00.001-07:00

2010-06-05T12:10:00.000-07:00

2010-05-30T10:39:00.000-07:00

why am i still surprised at how shitty a person can be?

i went to the salon yesterday at 645pm, just to check on things. i found that a lot of stuff was stolen and that people tried to sabotage things. people who were nice to my face. people that i was not mean, nasty, or rude to. people who i gave a fair chance.

i feel so let down.

but the only thing i can do is keep moving forward, and know that success is the best revenge.

dear special K,

2010-05-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

fuck you.

i have been trying to do this special k diet for two weeks now. you know, a bowl of special k for breakfast, a bowl for lunch, and a sensible dinner.

i dont think ive ever been so hungry in my entire life. every cell in my body is screaming for food.

ive been "working out" for about a half hour every morning. and when i say working out i mean using the Wii Fit. yeah, laugh. fuck off. its a good option for me. i do 20-30 minutes a morning, which means i have to wake up around 6 in order to get it done before i get devin up for the day. its fun, and there are no sweaty douchebags around.

ive had less than a Coke a day. i still need caffeine, and im not willing to cut it 100% right now, so i usually drink a monster or some of a coke. its better than what i WAS drinking. ive been drinking 2 or 3 liters of water a day now, which is a lot better.

all i can think about is food though. it didnt help that i watched a MAN VS. FOOD marathon last week. it sucks because i really love food.

i guess i can say that i kind of feel better, not eating so much junkfood. not snacking on shitty foods, snacking on carrots or string cheese or something besides cheetos and cookies.

i hope the craving will go away soon. or maybe it will always be there. maybe it will be like how alcoholics crave alcohol. i guess im a food addict.

2010-05-24T12:24:00.001-07:00

my soul is uploaded

2010-05-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

bought a macbook pro last week with the intention of designing ads and other stuff for the new salon. i feel like a one eyed asian lady riding a unicycle while high.

i think im getting the hang of things but its fucking hard. i have such a higher respect for people good at design now.

back in tha day

2010-05-15T11:28:00.000-07:00

the nameless dread

2010-05-13T10:01:00.001-07:00

180

2010-05-09T03:16:00.000-07:00

i went to work with the lyrics to BREAK UP THE FAMILY in my head. i dont really know how to describe what i was feeling except "meloncholy".
tonight at work changed that. saw a lot of good, old friends. saw a dude i havent talked to in the better part of a decade.
im tired. so very tired.

top 5 favorite Wu Tang songs. in order.

2010-05-07T09:20:00.000-07:00

number one- UZI (pinky ring)
holy fuck, when Ghostface comes in, it sounds like hes gonna tear your fucking face off. that horn loop is insane too.

number two- gravel pit
at :29, when the cave-babes are shaking their tatas to the beat, is amazing.
"im the motherfuckin hot mix"

number 3- nuthin to fuck with
this was back when they were super grimey. i also like that the video introduces everyone.

number 4- reunited
i just think its a great way to open an album. ol dirty's verse is pretty dope too.

number 5- c.r.e.a.m.
again, the first album was so dirty and grimey. the hook is incredible, and everyone's verse is awesome. plus, dirty's singing adds such character

jesse gonna be mad that i didnt include Triumph, but i stand by my choices.

gone

2010-05-02T11:14:00.001-07:00

the other night, half of my toenail fell off. i was walking around at work and i felt something in my shoe. i took it off and looked at my toes and half of the pinky toenail had cracked off, lengthwise. no blood, no pain. just gone.

i miss my family. working long, late hours has made things a little hard. my kid asks me not to go to work sometimes. even though its only like an hour from her bedtime, i dont think she understands. but im doing this to make money, so that we can move into a bigger house sooner than later. im doing it to take care of her, and erica.

and its not going to get any easier, in fact it will only get harder in the months to come as i will be working more and more.

despite all of this, im not depressed. the only thing im not too stoked on is my weight. ive battled with body issues since 7th grade. up and down and up and down. i dont watch what i eat, i work in a bar, and i dont exercise. so yeah, im probably going to gain a few pounds. the hardest part of that is that im too big for medium shirts and too small for large shirts. and for some reason, all of the weight is right around my mid section. my pants still fit fine, its just my shirts. oh well. time to hit the Wii Fit.

nights like these

2010-04-30T02:34:00.000-07:00

i hate nights like these. its been a while.

life has been so fucking hectic. maybe thats why right now i feel fucking terrible.

its 2:34 am. i just got home from work. working at a bar. opening beer bottles and pouring wine and making shots of soju mixed with cranberry juice and vermouth. chopping fruit to make sangria.

maybe its the fact that ive been up since 645am
maybe its the fact that i walked away from working for 6 hours with 81 dollars
maybe its the fact that im so stressed out about the other stuff happening in my life

either way, when i walked to my car tonight, it felt like someone was looming over me, pressing on my shoulders, forcing me to walk slower. like a gulag. like a lamb to the slaughter. like a kid walking back to his first day of school. like a criminal to the gallows.

"tired sick and hating"

give me sleep.

apache

2010-04-26T19:10:00.001-07:00

holy fuck

blood and thunder

2010-04-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

busy. busy. busy.

not sleeping. as if i didnt have enough to do, picked up another night at the bar. that makes three nights and one day. plus working the store a couple days a week. i mean... its not doing what i love, or what im "good at". but im picking up bartending. its more than just opening bottles and pouring drinks. im actually trying to make up "new" or at least new-to-our-bar drinks. having a limited license, we have to get creative.

i was told that my sangria is better than Habana's. that's like telling me my band is better than Gorilla Biscuits.. meaning, a place that's been around longer and is "known" for something. win.

im fucking tired though. that's not really anything new, and i spent many many years working 8am-3am basically, but i guess i wasnt used to it. my shoulders hurt, my knees hurt.

i downloaded over 1000 songs in 3 days. mostly old hip hop, to play at bar.

i have quoted this before, but basically this line sums up my life on a constant basis-

"things change these days in such quick, cruelly absurd ways"

i dont know that i could have written words that embody what i struggle with on my own. and while the author of that line bums me out more and more, i still hold on to those words.

ive got some skin

2010-04-16T11:58:00.001-07:00

i cant watch this fucking video without getting goose bumps. ive always thought that Amy Pickering kind of ruined songs when she sings on them, but this one is ok. i would honestly probably be crying if i saw this in real life.

on the old ALL OVER THIS TOWN, i made a large post about Fugazi. one of my absolute all time favorite bands.
i used to listen to this song EVERY day when i woke up

and i dunno if this is supposed to be a love song, but the first part has some of the purest, sweetest lyrics ive ever read

the motherfuckin answer

2010-04-15T08:46:00.000-07:00

so, love them or hate them, you have to give respect to Die Antwoord.
real or fake, whatever. they are people who are having fun and making something fucking creative and making people take notice. i might not like 100% of the SONGS, but i am 100% behind what they are doing.

endress brockades

2010-04-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

a history lesson

2010-04-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

please take 20 minutes out of your day, and learn something.

yeah, im still on my d&b high. its like finding an old toy you forgot you loved.

ready or not

2010-04-11T20:40:00.000-07:00

i remember in like.. 1996, 1996... sitting alone at night, recording drum and bass off of the radio. the station was 103.1, i dont remember the call letters... i held on to those tapes for as long as possible. Hype, Flux, Rinse and Spin, Aphrodite.. then on to buying cds from Roni Size and Dieselboy. prolly didnt know i was major into d&b back in the day. me and Drew been bumpin that shit lately.
enjoy this. keep an open mind. would be amazing in the salon.

i wanna meet Brad

2010-04-08T12:39:00.001-07:00

gotta get in touch with my inner redneck

2010-04-08T07:28:00.001-07:00

fight fair

2010-04-06T20:16:00.000-07:00

today i cut 4 dudes from FIGHT FAIR's hair. pretty cool.

the end.

im dead im dead im dead

2010-04-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

seriously? amazing. truly.

strawberry switchblade

2010-04-04T22:03:00.000-07:00

null

2010-03-31T06:41:00.001-07:00

3.27

2010-03-27T21:25:00.000-07:00

When you do the things you need to do when you need to them, the day will come when you will be able to do the things you want to do when you want to do them.

~Zig Ziglar

public file upload

2010-03-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

i found my new favorite website

http://www.aww-kittah-aww.com/up/pupload/

its basically like a very anonymous photobucket. an image hosting site, except everyone can see whats hosted.

ive probably spent a good few hours in the last week or so, just looking at page after page of the most random stuff possible.

theres lots of boobs, lots of memes and lolz, but then theres like, car parts and houses and people just hanging out. the nudie pics are sometimes real, but generally very amateur, which makes them more funny than erotic to me.

there is an occasional mutilated body, but its rare. oh and a few penises here and there. but it cant be 100% good i guess.

anyway, browse and laugh. i promise, if youre bored its worth it.

just do it

2010-03-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

one nation, going under

2010-03-23T10:08:00.002-07:00

fuck the universe

2010-03-23T10:08:00.001-07:00

million man march

2010-03-22T17:02:00.000-07:00

3.21

2010-03-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

33

2010-03-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

today im 33. erica asked how it felt, and i told her it felt like 27. that comparison is completely arbitrary, but its kinda true. it doesnt "feel" any different.

i used to hate my birthday. i hated the thought of getting older. now, it doesnt really matter. it is what it is. all is one.

week end

2010-03-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

farewell to the fairground

2010-03-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

glass as an instrument

2010-03-11T21:41:00.001-08:00

first france, now canada

2010-03-08T14:28:00.001-08:00

so, some asshole that i sold a stupid Original Fake hat to messaged me on ebay, saying that he never received the item.
i scanned the fucking customs form, having learned my lesson the FIRST time this happened, and the dude decided to STFU, which made me think he was just trying to scam me. people suck, especially people from other countries.
so, today, i got a message from paypal, saying 46 dollars has been taken from my account.
the dude messaged me again, saying
Hey, still no beanie, i only opened a case because it's been more than a month since i made payment and if i waited much longer it would be to late to open a case, as soon as the beanie arrives i'll close the case, it's just the numbers you sent me were of no help, and i have had sellers give me fake/bogus tracking #'s before, so i hope you understand, dont take it personal it's just the item i bought has yet to arrive.

well, i do take it "personal" because i sent the item. unfortunately for everyone, there is no tracking on international items, so anyone can say they didnt get their shit. its just that now you can file claims and disputes about it instead of just being disgruntled.

i provided all information to paypal. if i lose this case, not only will i be considerably irate, but i will probably cease shipping overseas unless they message me asking "pretty please". literally.

fuck france, and now fuck canada.

invasion

2010-03-06T15:25:00.000-08:00

ive been listening to Skrewdriver a lot

i am starting to think i wont find a job in a salon. and that makes me sad, but im ok.

this week has been really fucked up and tiring.

KKK MMX

2010-02-26T14:17:00.000-08:00

ok, its funny to say racist stuff sometimes. i laugh at a good racist joke.
but to really see what some people believe? its fucking unreal.
if anyone is a plague on america, it was white people.

expectations

2010-02-26T09:49:00.000-08:00

i try not to expect too much. i hate being let down.

i read about some band, how good and cool it was, and so i downloaded it.
it sucked.

ive been trying not to expect too much out of people. ive been trying not to expect too much out os situations. to not put all my eggs in one basket, to trust, to hope.

its not working out so well.

where did you sleep last night

2010-02-23T19:55:00.000-08:00

i remember when Nirvana first came out. i remember the first time i saw the video for SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT. i had just gotten done with a gnar skate sesh at an elementary school in Costa Mesa, and went back to my friend Van's house for refreshments (thats a whole other story. not the refreshments part, but being friends with Van). we turned on MTV and suddenly, there was an explosion. keep in mind, this was like the summer going into 9th grade, in 1991. sure, there was punk and we liked to jam on Dead Kennedys and DYS tapes while we shredded the gnar, but this was different. as Kurt later put it, "teenage angst has paid off well"
and then a few years later, they did this MTV Unplugged thing. i thought it was awesome. in fact, i recorded it onto video cassette.
i used to watch it over and over and over. its not like they were my favorite band in the world, but i could somehow sense that what he was saying was "important", at least to him. i dont even know how to describe it.
i remember the end of the song "where did you sleep last night", right before Kurt goes into the last chorus, there is a break. his eyes get really wide and it looks like he is really struggling to get the word "night" out. that image is forever burned into my mind.
pay close attention starting at the 4:40 mark.

and just for extra credit, here's the original Lead Belly version

love

2010-02-19T18:38:00.001-08:00

im a ninja

2010-02-18T15:35:00.001-08:00

MMIX

2010-02-04T10:08:00.000-08:00

2009 was probably the worst year of my life.

i took a job that i didnt want to, because devin had to move in with me full time. but thats what being a parent and being responsible is about, right? making sacrifices for your happiness in order to take care of your family? my grandma told me that her husband had worked a job for over 30 years that he hated every single day, but he knew he had to do it. i never, ever want that to happen to me or anyone i love.
i remember leaving the job interview, and my eyes welling up in tears. i was so disappointed before it even begun.
i began working at the school in Huntington Beach (ive decided to leave the names of the establishments and certain people, just in case. i have asked my team of lawyers what exactly constitutes slander, just to cover my ass) on October 28th, 2008. it wasnt so bad at first, except for the completely incompetent director and scary as fuck looking freshman teacher. the shopping center that the school was in was only 5.5 miles from my house, and had a variety of food places and stores within walking distance, including an awesome record store and pizza place.
i was the only teacher for about 30 juniors and seniors, people who had between 400 and 1600 hours. i was to take roll, teach theory, class, and be 100% responsible for their education. i also had to order supplies.
within my first couple weeks, i had a run in with a client that the director of the school didnt back me up on. the client was mad, backed me into a corner and got in my face. she was probably about 70 years old. she was wrong, i was right, and the director awarded her a free service.
i had many run ins with the freshman teacher, who looked a little like Lucious Malfoy, and a little like a burn victim and acted like part of her brain had been destroyed in that fire (or by a spell gone wrong). tensions between us escalated to a boiling point a couple of times, which resulted in me being written up, but i may get into that later.
the director was taking care of two campuses, and it was clear that our campus was not her priority, and eventually she left. the job of director was not offered to any other employees, but was instead awarded to a woman that she had worked with before at a different school (not a beauty school, neither woman had any experience in this field), who shall henceforth be referred to as The Elephant. not because she was large, but because of something she once said, and because its funny. i was upset that i was not afforded the opportunity to become director, which is the position that i had initially applied for, mainly because of the pay. a director of a beauty school makes over 50K a year, as opposed to the 19 per hour which i was hired at (and was told that i was being hired at a significantly higher rate than usual).
yes, that's right. i know someone who works in the back room at apple. he makes 18 an hour. one dollar an hour less, to carry computers around, than someone who is responsible for the future of over 30 people.
anyway, the Elephant came on board, and it was fine and dandy for a couple of weeks. then, all of the sudden, she became a monster. a huge raging bitch who was on a mission to take everyone down. nobody was safe from her wrath, and she continuously talked shit behind other employee's backs to other employees. she told me repeatedly that she wished The Burn Victim would just quit so she wouldnt have to fire her, and told others repeatedly that it was her mission to get me fired.
at some point in the year, i was called upon to go to a haircutting training. there was to be a team of teachers from across the company, whos job it would be to teach everyone else this new haircutting curriculum that they had come up with.
now, this is going to sound like some serious ego masturbation, but its 100% the truth.
halfway through the first day, after i had spent the morning challenging the person who was teaching the class about every aspect of their new curriculum, i was called into the office with another guy whom i had known from san diego (we will call him Loose Cannon), to tell us that we were the only people on the team, about 12-16 people, who had any clue about hair cutting, and that after this "training", we would be the only people to continue on with re-writing the curriculum and training the rest of the fools.
that night, Loose Cannon went out for some drinks with the rest of the team, and they sensed that something was up, and expressed their displeasure and annoyance at my constant challenging and know-it-all attitude about hair cutting. Loose Cannon got drunk and told everyone that they didnt know shit, that the company was shit, and other offensive and supposedly anti-gay statements.
he was a liability, and let go a couple of days later, but the fact that i had known him became a millstone around my neck.
within 2 months, every other person except 2 on that team had quit the company.
i was asked to travel to Bell two to three days a week, to work on the haircutting curriculum, and to devise new curriculum for hair color and freshman classes. i spent a couple months driving back and forth, 35 miles and 45-60 minutes EACH way. sitting in an office, heated discussions about dynamics of hair, lots of googling. i probably downloaded 2000+ songs sitting in those offices, because i had lots of free time.
now, this entire time i was still receiving 19 dollars an hour. no bonus for writing something that would effect an entire company. i asked for a raise, and they couldnt afford one, but reminded me that i was earning an extra 100 or so dollars a paycheck as a result of travel, which hardly covered gas.
at one point, i was asked to teach a class in City Of Industry to people who were teacher trainees. i was to devise a haircut and teach it to them, then asses which people would be good candidates for working at corporate. one person out of about 30 had any sort of clue. this person would eventually be brought on the corporate education team.
back at HB, things were getting heated. i seriously HATED going to work every day. i began to bring my laptop, sit in the corner and watch youtube videos and download music for hours. when The Elephant would come over i would act like i was looking at Hair Brained or something educational. things got so bad that there was eventually a meeting between me and The Elephant, in which i started YELLING at her, telling her that i hated working for her and she had no clue, etc. she sat there and took it.
a week or so later, we had a meeting between all of the teachers, in which The Burn Victim started talking shit to me and telling me to shut up. i got up and walked out, and was later written up for both instances and told that one more outburst and i would be fired. the write ups were fucking ridiculous, but i went along with it because i needed a job.
back at corporate, i expressed interest in a position as Creative Director for the company. i wanted to move up, i wanted to grow, i wanted out of HB. i drew up plans to build an in-house photography studio because 100% of the images that this company used are purchased, there is nothing created BY the company. it was shot down.
when i would ask about a future permanent position with corporate education, i was never given a direct answer. i think that the outbursts at my home campus, joined with the fact that i was generally viewed as a liability because i didnt hold my opinions in, held me back.
i eventually told them, if you cannot guarantee me a position, and a raise, then i will have to step down. they never replied. the director of education repeatedly ignored my requests for an answer. i had to call the human relations department to complain not only about the treatment that i was receiving from The Elephant, but now from the Director Of Education for the entire company.
the haircutting curriculum that i worked on for MONTHS was eventually butchered down to a few pages, and no plans for pictures or videos to go along with this came to fruition. at one point, it could have rivaled the training provided by other, larger, more prestigious schools in southern california, but the company fucking blew it.
The Elephant gave most of the employees a sub-par job review in or around september. i know that my attitude wasnt the best, but NOBODY could fuck with the content of my classes, yet i was scored an overall 2.5 out of 5, which meant that i didnt even meet company standards. at least 3 or 4 other employees sent complaints to HR and corporate about our reviews.
one morning the Regional Director came in, and within 10 minutes the Elephant was gone. fired.
they brought in another director to smooth things out, to "whip the school into shape" which actually consisted of fucking nearly everyone over in SO many ways.
two weeks before my one year anniversary with the company, i decided to leave. i was fucking through. i gained access to some money that i could use to live on until i found a new job, but i was just fucking done with that company. such a fucking disappointment. i really had aspirations of turning the company around, of making NOT the fucking Pee Wee Herman of the beauty school world, but in my opinion the only thing the company cared about was growing in numbers, and not having the education to back it up. there is no creativity, no soul.
i did have some good times at that school. i was allowed to be as creative as i wanted with some hair, i got to fuck around a lot, try crazy science and hair experiments, and i learned a fucking LOT. i learned a lot by asking questions, by stepping outside the box and by constantly challenging what they teach to us as "truth". 10 vol + 30 vol does NOT equal 20 vol.

as i mentioned in a previous post, i have had a sort of "awakening" and realized that i have been forced to act like someone im not for years. thats what you do when you have certain jobs, you have to act like someone youre not. sure, people can smell an asshole from a mile away, and no matter how much cologne i put on they would still know that im not NICE.
by the way, someone who read my part about "be nice, or else" contacted me, and informed me that only people with a BE NICe attitude were allowed to work at their company. what a fucking JOKE. anyone who knows anything about the inside of THAT company knows that its just as FUCKED as any other, if not more. they only thing that keeps them going is the name behind it and the fact that they have some talented people on board. but talented people tend to be the worst characters. just saying.

since october 31st, i have not had a job. its been hard.
the past two months i have been talking to someone about taking an existing rental salon, and turning into a commission based, education oriented salon. yesterday, that dream was shot down and im now at square one.

do i still want to do hair? yes.
do i think that there is a place in orange county for me to do what i want to? i dont know. honestly. i dont know if anyone would be on board with my crazy fucking plans to promote a salon, and the ideas i have for a salon culture.
have i looked very hard? no. why? because i feel like i know what is out there. why the fuck would Christopher Perry or Toni and Guy hire me? because im talented? sure, talent is great, but it only gets you so far. after 10 years im not as willing to sit up and beg, to roll over, to play by everyone's rules.

could i create the most successful, creative salon culture that orange county has ever seen? yes. i may be deluded in think so, but i truly believe that my ideas could fucking BLOW AWAY any that have come before me. and i truly believe that starting something new is the only way that i will be both happy and successful, not by trying to fight against what somebody else already has. is that foolish? to be so stubborn about my beliefs? maybe.

so what's stopping me? money. i have none, and nobody else really does either. whos gonna throw 50,000 dollars my way? who has that right now?
i have the momentum, i have the ideas, i have the drive. but it wont last. i know it. soon, i will be jaded and angry and broke.

if youre reading this, and you think you can help, or would just like to share something with me, email me.
alloverthistown13@gmail.com

2/10

2010-02-03T09:42:00.000-08:00

time

2010-01-29T07:51:00.000-08:00

yesterday devin told me that she hadnt written in her journal since the 21st

same here

i guess we just get busy, and forget to do the things we say we are going to do

"dont confuse motion for action"

here's a basic rundown of the past week-

me > you

2010-01-21T09:31:00.001-08:00

william

2010-01-21T08:28:00.000-08:00

William is a very common name. i tried to find out how common, but i didnt get very far.
my grandma's second husband is named Bill. actually, i think Joseph is his real first name, but somehow Bill came out of it. he's a good dude. very mild mannered, very smart. he wrote a book. i have it, kind of read it, but its very big and i didnt get too far.
anyway, every time it rains, i am forced to play this song in my head over and over:
The rain falls hard on a humdrum town
This town has dragged you down
Oh, the rain falls hard on a humdrum town
This town has dragged you down
Oh, no, and everybody's got to live their life
And God knows I've got to live mine
God knows I've got to live mine
William, William it was really nothing
William, William it was really nothing
It was your life ...
i dont know why. it just always plays in my head.

it also reminds me of the Into Another song William:

I understand
Truth lives in a house on the borderland
Love rules the night land
And ghost pirates wait at sea for me
I understand
I understand

its been raining for a couple days, and i could really get used to it.

let down

2010-01-20T20:02:00.001-08:00

man, sometimes life is one big let down after another.

maker's

2010-01-16T23:36:00.000-08:00

"heaven or heavenless we're all headed for the same sweet darkness"

i've been drinking Maker's Mark lately. i never really liked whiskey before. i think Sean making me drink it with him at the Knitting Factory last summer really changed my mind. i think there is such a stigma or stereotype attached to whiskey, and i guess i never really wanted to be a part of that. i was used to drinking lots of beer before i stopped drinking. PBR and High Life mostly. i have still only been DRUNK once in the past 2 years or so, and that was the aforementioned time with Sean.

I've been reading a lot about the Process Church. listening to some radio interviews about weird occult connections, Manson, etc. The more i listen to what Manson had/has to say, the more i realize that he is actually really smart, has a lot of good stuff to say, and is totally demonized by the world. kind of sad, really.

this week is going to be really busy, and its a shame that its supposed to rain all week. i love the rain, but it does tend to put a damper on things.

lies

2010-01-12T20:44:00.000-08:00

ive built a career off of a lie

im not really a nice guy.
im not positive.
i am in a band.
i dont believe in god, in fact i disagree with christianity, and have considered more than once joining the Church Of Satan, but decided that it wasnt worth 200 dollars.
i think im better than most people.
i am a nerd.
i hid who i was because i didnt want to offend people.

i pretended to be someone i wasnt so that i could have a job to pay for my kid. i dont give a fuck about "be nice, or else". i do enjoy helping people, and i do enjoy teaching... mostly because im good at it.

and now, i feel like i wasted half of my life because i didnt wake the fuck up. i know that there is a difference between being fake and just not telling people who you really are, and im having a hard time deciding exactly what i did.

if this seems confusing to you, imagine how i feel.

low places

2010-01-10T10:57:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a kind of exciting day.

i got a lot of attention for an article i wrote for STUFF YOU WILL HATE where i talk about Scene hair. and yes, i capitalize that. the ever elusive Sgt. D posted the link on a few different hardcore and Scene sites, and the shit talking ranged from "this guy is a true faggot" to "what a turd" to "jav is a good dude and i wish him luck". but like i said, there is no such thing as bad publicity.

*i started writing this this morning, and i lost the rest of what happened. i guess that reminds me why i have to WRITE SHIT DOWN.

now, im listening to/ watching the footage of Integrity from the show last night in Baltimore, that i would have given almost anything to go to. hopefully i will see them a couple of times this year.

no one

2010-01-09T11:03:00.001-08:00

You talk and you fucking talk,
Your bullshit never stops.
You think anyone is afraid, of all those friends you've betrayed?
Who's gonna back you up now?
Alone in your own little crowd,
Thinking you're the one who's in control.
Your stupid shit is getting so old.
No one.
Your words mean nothing to me,
and vengeance, cross me again and we'll see.
You'll be the one to fucking pay.

he was a friend of mine

2010-01-07T09:27:00.000-08:00

I am going to burn down the world
I am going to tear down everything that cannot stand alone
I am going to shove hope up your ass
I am going to turn ideals to shit
I am going to reduce everything that stands to rubble
and then I am going to burn the rubble
and then I am going to scatter the ashes
and then maybe someone will be able to see something as it really is
Watch Out

"christian hypocrisy exposed"

2010-01-07T09:09:00.001-08:00

found a cool video about the Temple Of Set. gets REALLY good around the 8:40 mark.

let the night roar

2010-01-07T07:56:00.000-08:00

"Bullshit, love is the only weapon with which I've got to fight. I've got a whole lot of weapons to fight! I've got my claws, I've got cutlasses, I've got guns, I've got dynamite, I've got a whole lot to fight! I'll fight! I'll fight! I will fight! I will fight! I will fight! I will fight!"

the cage

2010-01-06T11:07:00.001-08:00

ive been getting angry a lot lately. annoyed. irritable.
perhaps its the fact that im not working a full time job. i feel restless, anxious.

im still very optimistic about MMIX, about things being better this year. only time will tell, but i feel as though i need to keep going with this momentum i have.
this momentum is leaving people behind, unfortunately. LEAD, FOLLOW, OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY is a good mantra, but should i feel sorry for those who cant keep up? life moves pretty fast, and mine is no exception. if you cant keep up with the way i am and how i am moving, you wont understand. i wish i could say im sorry, but im not.

i dont know if ill be doing much traveling this year, but there are a few places i would like to go. we shall see.

jay kay

2010-01-04T07:34:00.000-08:00

it has occurred to me that member of my family may read this at some point.

if this is the case, i assure you family member, that when i say "fuck everyone and/or everything" i most assuredly do not mean you.

missed the boat

2010-01-03T10:07:00.001-08:00

yesterday i decided to write about how im going to try and write in this blog every day for the next year.

fail.

yesterday i worked in a salon. i dont know if im going to continue working there, or in what context, but it was cool to get paid for doing hair once again.

i am so busy. i feel like im falling apart a little bit. im so stressed out ive been snapping a lot lately. its not good. maybe i have taken on too much and i just cant handle it. maybe i just need things to straighten out.

either way, i promise that 2010 will be busier than last year, and hopefully better. and maybe ill write more.

fuck french people

2009-12-30T19:45:00.001-08:00

so this dude is claiming he never received his fucking fred perry jacket
so he makes a claim on paypal instead of ebay
im out 25 bucks
i cant confirm delivery because its international
paypal customer service says im assed out
emails to the fucking piece of shit frog get bounced back

fuck everyone and everything

the end

2009-12-21T09:34:00.000-08:00

almost then end of a year, and a decade.

2009 was one of the worst years of my life.

i am going to write a huge post about how shitty my last job was. i wasnt going to, for fear of legal ramifications, but part of my legal staff assured me that it would take a LOT for someone to prove slander against me. i will just change some names, and will tell the world how shitty Marinello is.

just added a new blog, and as Travis Smith said "oh hey guys im adding my 9th blog which i will only update every two months". idiot. i created a Mistake blog, because i am sick of not remembering a fucking thing that happens with that band. im constantly being told of things that happened, and was either too drunk or just didnt care to notice.
www.whatwedoisshitty.blogspot.com

1 2 3 4

2009-12-07T12:34:00.001-08:00

banquet

2009-12-07T10:20:00.000-08:00

two of my favorite bands (or whatever you want to call The Streets)
this is a really interesting story. Mike stole a mic when he was doing a radio show, made a record with it, then gave it back when he felt it was the right thing to do. the song is built off of a sample of the Bloc Party song Banquet. it was only made available on the cd single of the song Two More Years.
the video just adds an extra layer to the story, and its always interesting to see people "off their face"

no desire

2009-12-07T06:42:00.000-08:00

prepare to be fucking annihilated

death/ animal

2009-12-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

im not sure when this turned into a video blog, but it seems to be the only way i can express what is interesting to me right now.

two songs are getting heavy play in my life right now. on my itunes, my ipod, and in my head.

the first is a band that Tara turned me onto called White Lies. this song DEATH i guess was featured in the movie Jennifer's Body. i downloaded that soundtrack because there is an exclusive Panic At The Disco Song on it, and White Lies kinda slipped by me, but Tara said it would be up my alley, and guess what it sure is.
They kind sound like Interpol i guess, but more catchy.. and kinda like Editors but less morose. Tara said its really depressing, but if i want depressing ill listen to Mogwai or Death In June.
This song DEATH is probably the most memorable on the album, but i find myself listening to LOSE MY LIFE a lot. the song E.S.T. was featured in the show Dirty Sexy Money, much to my surprise.

i chose to present the live version of the video because i love live versions. you get to see more of what the band is really like.

the second song that has been my obsession for a couple of MONTHS now is by a band called Miike Snow. yes, there are supposed to be two i's in the name. they are from Sweden, and have apparently only been a band for like 2 years.
the song ANIMAL instantly caught my attention. the almost ska-like up stroke on the keyboards, the dude's awesome voice, and the almost carnival drum line.
i was instantly bummed when i saw what the band looked like.
ive heard a few live versions of this song, and they are always like 2 minutes longer than the album version, and always different, which to me shows that these dudes are real ARTISTS and are concerned with making music live, not just replicating their songs in a live environment for the sake of their listeners.

this version of the song/ video is awesome because they are in the fucking WOODS. there are only three dudes in the band, the Jason Patrick looking singer dude, the keyboard guy with the shitty moustache and total Newport-hipster looking hair, and the drummer. killer matching jackets, too.
whatever. i guess i can overlook their appearance and just listen to the music. the whole album is really good, some electro parts in it, lots of pop flair, and passion.

1,000 dances

2009-11-25T17:40:00.001-08:00

more boyd rice

2009-11-21T11:45:00.000-08:00

"electronic music seems intrinsically white" is kind of a confusing sentence to me, but here we go

people

2009-11-21T11:27:00.001-08:00

pierrot the clown

2009-11-21T08:23:00.000-08:00

Pierrot The Clown

lipgloss

2009-11-21T07:53:00.000-08:00

awesome parenting

2009-11-21T07:39:00.000-08:00

youre gonna miss me

2009-11-15T12:53:00.000-08:00